Nåväl

Dear fellow humans,
My computer has been crashed for a month or so, hence the lack of new posts.
Recently I succeeded in reinstalling the software,
unfortunately this lead to the ellimination of all content on this computer.
approximately 100 GB of.. everything. My life. Is gone.
All my pictures since 5 years back.
My compositions.
My respectable music collection.

Oh well, that's life.
I'll just start over.

I am at the moment sitting in a giant empty house. Belonging to a certain Maximus.
I am entertainting myself though, I just watched the second and final episode f SVT's christmas drama "August". Strindberg, that is. Played by the one and only Jonas Karlsson. And yes, I do have a thing for him. Strindberg or Karlsson, you might ask yourself. Which i cannot answer, even though the original answer would be Karlsson, I identify them too much with eachother at this specific moment. I have to read Röda Rummet very soon. Oh I have to read so many books, I got lots of them for christmas, and they all seem positively delightful. I am still busy reading Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell at the moment. 1000 pages...
Back to Strindberg, intriguingly portayed by Jonas Karlsson; I had some vague notion of him being this bitter, proud old man who detests women. This changed slightly after watching this series. Which is of course an understatement.
I can, however, imagine that my previous image of him might have had some truth to it after all, but since i only saw a small part of his life, and an early part, I can imagine that he changed.. And of course, this was somewhat fictional. I imagine it is quite impossible to have a complete and truthfull insight into his life and personality.

Annyway, I spent christmas at my sister's place. Her daughter now trots around the house mumbling "karta" (=map) and throwing balls. And in one month or so, the sound of an additional sweet child scream will fill her house...
Me, I will go to Paris and meet my dearest Karin and a complete stranger. Well, several probably, but we will occupy the house of one of them in particular. I believe it will be a new year somewhat more interesting than the last 19 ones.

Happy New Year to all!

Postcards from France

All here over: Nîmes, this weekend



















above and underneath: Toulouse, two weeks ago

l'Automne

Mathematics

Me: Now listen to me, for example, if I take three cans with 1 % mango in each and pour them into a big bottle, It will have the same taste, and it will still be 1 % mango in it.

french dude: Haha, no no, Myleen, that makes THREE percent. You have three cans, right.

Me: ... Yes, you have three times the amount of mango, but you also have three times the amount of the other liquids in the cans, consequently there is still just one percent mango.

The two other french people: *silence* .... Well, yeah.. she's right... in THEORY
Maybe it works for DRINKS.. but not for everything

Several frustrating minutes later one of them delivers this killer line

French guy: Okay, it might be logic, but that doesn't apply to real things.
Math has got nothing to do with reality.

I spent the rest of the evening being upset about this enormous ignorance, so vast that it doesn't even see itself.

Of course all previous lines were delivered in french, and of course I was not quite so eloquent.
But peu importe.

Smooch

Spin

I was looking through my pictures, and strumbled over this one. And for the first time, I actually experienced a real warm feeling, when thinking of my graduation. This picture has such an air of joy and freedome. Sounds cliché, and indeed it is. I mostly lacked this feeling during the whole event, probably because I found it slightly ridiculous how you were supposed to scream and act like an idiot. etc. I felt as if though the whole thing was being forced upon me. But looking back now, and looking at this picture, maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

Plupp

Jag saknar min lilla Kaorin.
Nyår i Paris, säger jag. Det blir fint.

Mal à la gorge

Yesterday was... interesting.
Let's say I drove to the middle of nowhere to be greeted by a dog with eyes of different colours, people who have never heard of showers and a masturbating skeleton. Let's say an italian hardcore band slept in my apartment. And let's say I had strawberries for breakfast.

Now, I'll give you a hint. One of the statements is false.
Gold star for the right answer.

View

This weekend I have:
Climbed a real mountain
Spent time with good people, who are now gone
driven 500 km

Air

Mystical tree balls, and other views from previously mentioned walking path

la mort

Merde

Rugby, dear friends.
Anyone ever taken an interest in it? Didn't think so.
Why would anyone care about rugby? Beats me. But the french people, preposterous as always, do. Of course.
I tried. I really tried to stay out of it. But, in case you failed to notice (which you probably did), the world cup in rugby is currently organized in france. It is impossible not to hear every little think about it. So, I thought, what the hell, might as well take the opportunity to observe a part of the french culture. Said and done, yesterday I went to town to watch the rugby match between france and england. I was in the company of two french couples and an iraqi dude. All of them are over 30. (By the time I get back to sweden I'll feel like 35 probably).
Half the town was on the square staring at a big screen, and the other half were un the numerous bars and pubs staring at slightly smaller screens.
I tried to understand and take an interest for about 6 minutes. The remaining 74 minutes were spent observing people and trying to figure out my life.
It was a quite tolerable evening after all, followed by tea and cheeze in the house of one of the couples.

Oh yeah, France lost.

The main event of today was me deciding to take a walk. But what a walk. I discovered that I live 10 minutes from what is possibly the prettiest walking path I have seen in my life. Photos coming soon.

In the mean time, pictures from the city cemetery! :

Last days of Summer

Dear diary...

I have spent a week on a "on arrival seminar" for people who are doing EVS in France. It was situated in an isolated centre, just by the sea, some kilometres from Montpelier.
I was happy that I was leaving, because I felt I needed to get some distance to my life here at the Foyers.
It turned out fantastic. There were 28 people between 18 and 27, from 15 countries, who are currently doing EVS in France. Most of them spoke french on a level similar to mine, somewhat higher for some, and 2 -3 people didn't speak french at all. Mostly we spoke french, and the funny thing is that it is so much easier to understand foreigners speaking french than native speakers, since they tend to use simple grammar and vocabulary... This led me into the illusion of actually being able to understand and speak french very well. Until I came back here of course.. "Pardon..?" "J'ai pas entendu... " "Quoi?" All over again..

Anyway.. (Excuse my random and spontaneous use of language.. I am tired)
I had a fabulous time, talking to all these different people from different countries. I tell you, that EVS volunteers are generally very nice people. If you have any in your town or surroundings, make friends with them for heaven's sake!
I also got to speak swedish, since there was a Norwegian girl. That felt good. My brain was a mess though, when I switched between speaking Swedish, french, english and attempts to speak spanish and italian. In the end I couldn't control which language would pour out of my mouth when I opened it.

My Swedish soul couldn't believe it's eyes when I swam in the ocean in October, and found the temperature... pleasant.


Now to something completely different (gold star to the one who identifies the origin of this quote)
My dear and most intelligent friend Fabio wrote a wonderful respons to my latest entry. If you are interested, please see what he had to say on the subject of music and evolution:

http://ahumanmind.blogspot.com/2007/09/music-and-evolution.html

*Tries to Think of Something That Doesn't Sound Hopelessly Emo but Fails*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vFaoA7t2RE

I just discussed this issue with someone and it so important to me that I felt the need to vent it here also.

Yesterday, I was listening to music on my computer. Shuffle as usual. Suddenly this song starts playing - How to Disappear Completely by Radiohead. (Just the title is worth dying for)
And it hit me so hard. I don't want to seem like an.. a-hem... emo-kid. But my God, did it hurt.
And it is not because I have any special associations to this song, nor is it because of the lyrics. If you haven't heard it already, please listen (there is a link above).
There is this high note, floating above the rather average chords, which by conventional measures do not "fit" musically. But it has an astonishing effect. It adds this amazing edge, like a sharp knife, and interacts in a new and completely surprising way with each chords. And it hurts so bad.

If you read my previous post, I was talking about the conflict between my logical and "romantic" (in the wide sense, not really referring to love or such) part. This is a thing that my logical part can not understand. At all. How can a combination of sound frequencies invoke an emotional reaction, so strong that it is on the verge of physical. How is this possible? How does this facilitate the recreation of my genes?(It sounds rather funny but it is a serious question) What the hell IS music anyway? Is it perhaps just a odd side effect to something that actually has an explainable purpose?

Main Froide

Shot at an eerily beautiful cemetery in Liverpool

Rubarb Puré

It has been somewhat of a mess in my head lately.
The simplified version is as follows

• I want someone who does not want me and who is far away
• Someone not so far away wants me and I was not entirely able to resist for a brief moment though I definitely do not want this person
• This lead to the event of a someone (temporarily?) cancelling their friendship with me

I am currently handling this by watching the anime Honey & Clover, and getting involved in their fictional romantic problems instead.
Lovely way to deal.

I had an interesting conversation the other night (not in french, mind you) about being human. The person in question considers himself being rather nonhuman in many ways, and thinks this is a good feature. Me however, think in the same way, but try to surpress this. I know that love is nothing but a way for my genes to make me reproduce. I do however try to not think of it. I know that in fact everything, including having friends, is ultimately just another way to survive and eventually reproduce. These are just examples.
I don't know whether it is best to live in "denial", which is what I am trying to do, or to live aloof from the primitive emotions of humans. The latter alternative is probably not 100 % possible, but still.

What is YOUR opinion on the matter, dear friends?

By Gustav Klimt. I love this painting. Excellent example of my romantic side living in conflict with the logical cynical one.

Danger of Death

My access to the Internet is terribly sporadic nowadays, hence the lack of new posts...
And right now I am in a hurry, since they are trying to fix the computers, I have to leave when the computer.. repair man... arrives.
I am however, doing okay. Though the boss told me I was too shy the other day. I was walking around feeling fairly pleased with myself, having made so many acquaintances, and then he tells me this. A man who by the way is so busy that he sees me in average two seconds per week, so I don't know how the hell he could have gotten this impression. Fuck it eh. He can't really fire me anyway (I hope O_O) since it's not a real job.

Summer suddenly left France the other day, without saying goodbye. The skies opened, down came water, water, and occasionally some water. After this, the air has had that atumn-like chill to it. Someone told me summer will be making a comeback in the end of the week though. Perhaps he forgot something. Or is summer a she? I would think of it as a him... I wonder what the weather is like in good old Sweden...

I made an amusing discovery the other day. A door, probably leading to one of those old cellars where people keep potatoes, with the friendly inscription "Defense d'entrer! Danger de mort"
And if I tell you mort means death, I think everyone will understand the meaning. Made me wonder if people have a nice sense of humour around the country, or if they're just terribly aggressive :O

La France

So here I am.
Let's take it from the beginning.
Monday, little more than a week ago, me and my parents set off in a pickup packed with probably about half of what i own.
After two days of speeding on german autobahns and french highways (I drove in 140 km / h weee) we arrived in Rodez. My new home.
After some driving back and forth we found the right place, and met my mentor. Her name is Kristin Olewinski. She is originally German, hence the non french sounding name. She is really short, which sometimes bothers me x), but she is nice. The best thing is that her English is excellent, since no one, and I mean no one around here speaks English. Okay, I am supposed to use french, but it is nice to be able to express thoughts a little less primitive than "thank you, I am fine" etc.
Anyhow, they didn't really have time to deal with me until the 10th, so I spent one day driving around in the area with my parents. We found some adorable little villages. Straight out of a storybook, old stone houses, several hundred years old, stacked together on these mountain sides, and small gardens filled with roses and God knows what.
The apartment that they gave me is beyond expectations. By far. According to my father, it is about 40 m2. It is completely new, finished some month ago, consists of a living room/kitchen, a ridiculously large bathroom (it is handicap adjusted) and a bedroom with a king size bed. I am very happy with it, thought they told me that they'll have to move me if anyone with a wheelchair moves into the house...
I however don't have a television, radio nor Internet in my room. This is quite a new experience for me... The first couple of days, when I was left all on my own, with nothing to do, I felt slightly isolated, but found comfort in my computer, packed with series and films, and also in my dear guitar. It has hit me, how I can never feel alone when I create. Whether it is drawing or playing music, it is the best way to drive feelings of isolation away. I haven't really discovered this before, me never living alone, and if these feelings have arisen I have silenced them ether with the Internet or with a TV. You learn something new every day, they say. Not sure if that's true, but I feel I've learned something anyway.
I took a walk through the area last Sunday, and had an uncomfortable feeling of being slightly afraid of everyone I saw. I certainly have to get rid of that feeling.. Not sure where it came from. Probably I am just feeling a bit alienated. Everything improved once I could start working on Monday though. The staff, and also the residents are all very friendly.
I was a bit scared when the boss told me (translated by Kristin) with a serious look on his face, that this is not an easy job. That I have to make people integrate, and that requires lots of initiative from me. The little shy Swede in me shivered and wanted to say that "I can't talk to people, I can't take initiatives, I just want to mind my own business". Of course I didn't listen to the little Swede in me, and certainly didn't let her out of my mouth.
I got to work in the Cafeteria, and it went fine, apart from them leaving me alone there (event though they promised they wouldn't since I don't know all the procedures) and I had to stay for one hour longer than I was supposed to. (Til 23 that is). There was a french guy keeping me company though, it was hard keeping a conversation with him, and he even when I did understand what he was saying it was mostly "Je pas..eh" (slang for Je ne sais pas = I don't know).
Oh, I didn't explain what this place is really, It is like a place where people between 16 and 30 can live while they're studying, working, or looking for a job. Also Immigrants who are waiting for their asylum can live here, and old people with a certain amount of autonomy.
Today I went up to a hill, 15 minutes from here, and eat my breakfast with a 360 degree view. That was pretty nice.
Yesterday I had french course with the immigrants. It was strange having lessons in french, and only french is spoken, the immigrants not understanding English (honestly I don't think the teacher knows English either). Massive amounts of time is used for trying to explain words that I know the meaning of but can't find any synonyms or explanations for in french..

I will not write more at the moment. I know people in this era don't read anything on the internet that's longer than half a page anyway. I am the same.

Wish me luck

Trivialities

These last days have been ridiculously event less. I don't think I have been this immobile for.. years. Luckily Tilda put me out of my apathy for an afternoon last Wednesday. We drank Caffe Latte, and Caffe Latte Macchiato, and tried to figure out the difference. (After some googling I have learned that latte macchiato is supposed to be made from steamed milk, with coffee poured on top). After this, Tilda ate Macchiato ice cream, without ice cream. After a while of ambivalence, I actually convinced her to rebel against our Swedish nature and complain. This however had little effect. None actually. (We are planning to sue them. You better watch your ass, miss coffee girl!).
After this we were verbally attacked by an old man. Some of the causes for his annoyed state seemed to have been green pants, and the general rudeness of standing there. Youngsters these days. No manners what so ever.
Other than this, my days have consisted of roaming the endless corridors of Internet, and occasionally watching some crappy show on TV, just to give me the feeling of doing something slightly different.
The series and films I have... acquired (ahem) are as follows:

Notes on a Scandal - Interesting film. The subject was very original and fascinating. The acting was very good, and Kate Blanchet was extraordinarily beautiful.

Dexter - Series. Criminal. Which would have scared me off, if it weren't for the fact that the lead is played by someone who also plays in my all time favourite series Six feet Under. And also the fact that someone I trust to have good taste assured me that I must see it. He was right. It is a very ambitious, different and beautiful creation.

Texhnolyze - An anime. I watched the first episode, and it left me in quite a state of confusion. They hardly said a word during the whole episode, and honestly I didn't really understand what was happening at all. It was however very interesting both from a aesthetic and conceptual point of view. I will not give up.

The Holiday - Please forgive me. I was terribly bored. And Jude Law was in it. Don't hate me.

Shrek 3 - I was planning on going to see it at the cinema, but then I read that it was supposed to be bad, and I didn't have anyone to go with anyway. It was entertaining enough. The cat in boots is enough reason to see it anyway. How I love him. If I was.. a cat. Who knows what would have happened.

Fur - A fictional portrait of Diane Arbus. - It caught my interest when I saw a poster. Nicole Kidman and Robert Downey Jr. It must have something, I thought. It turned out to be a portrait, but as the title implies, not very correct, about the famous photographer Diane Arbus. I knew a little about her, but not her name. She is most known for her portraits of "freaks" and such. (One of her most famous, and brilliant pictures below). It was beautifully shot, and well acted. But somewhat strange. Perhaps due to the fact that the talented Robert Downey Jr was covered in fur during 90 % of the film. If you wish to know more, see it.

And just now, I watched "Wonder boys" on TV for a change. It was a welcome surprise. A strange, seemingly random and aimless film, but very good indeed. Robert Downey Jr was in this one too (happy me when I realised), and also dear Spidey and some other good people.
I find myself still surprised and uncertain about the americans' liberal approach towards pot.

I also downloaded Garden State. But it is too important. I will save it for a better time. It deserves it.

The End

"It seems like everyone has to have a blog nowadays" was the slightly cynical comment I received after telling about mine. And sure, the man had a point, if everyone has their own blog, who would have time to read them?
I, however, justify the creation of this blog by the request i received from my friends (You of course realise, dear friends, that you are now obliged to read and comment everything i produce). The main reason for me thinking it was a good idea to start a blog, was that I am now leaving my home country Sweden, and hence, most of my friends and acquaintances for 9 months.

At this very moment, I am in Kristianstad, and will remain for roughly a week. My mood is happy, due to the fact that I am, as I am writing, on a comfortably fast connection, on my own laptop. What else can you desire? Concerning the upcoming trip to France, and my new home, I feel as though I should be nervous, but I haven't really thought about it properly...
But perhaps it is for the best, to simply have an open mind, see what happens and try to make the best of the situation. (Dear, I sound like some quasi wise old woman)

Recent event worth noticing is my brand new driving licence that i acquired last Friday, which was also the day that I bid Eksjö goodbye. I spent the evening, at the splendid, annual event, directly translated into Eksjö City Party (hah). The company, consisting of mainly Karin and Caspar, sporadically also the Priest, and mister Follow your Heart was lovely. (I am glad to hear that you and Abdullah agree on such an important matter, Karin) ((for more details, please visit Karin's blog, linked to the right)) (((And yes, I just invented the double and triple brackets)))
Even though the vast majority of the people there had passed their best years already, and my cruising for familiar faces was a slight failure, I feel quite content, and Eksjö and High school are now behind me.

Karin, Clara & A-K, I will miss you all.